For What I'm Worth

I'm accepting the fact I will be a mess.
I'm okay with it, honestly.
I'm cutting out what makes me bitter,
and burning lingering sentimentally.
Nothing else is needed to get my head going.
It'll be the healthiest thing I could do for myself.

I can be boring, frustrating, sexy, funny, angry, quiet, adventurous.
Frankly, I could be it all.
     I can be anything.
I have to remember I'm not the only one who's insecure.
Or the one who just sometimes isn't attracted to someone else.
I just need to remember to learn and hold onto it.

I'm not going to hurt myself anymore,
I'm not looking back,
I'm living today.

Here's to right now!
Now get up and move.

I Wished you Wished

If you left an impact,
     would you want to know what you left behind?
Or do you not like praise?
I'm sure you'd hate the guilt.
But really, your egos wrong,
and my head misleads us both to believe that you left something inside of me.

Musing

Anger and compassion,
true caring,
honest effort,
intellectual stimulation,
a lost cause
and a dick ache:
     ingredients for inspiration.

Reluctant Twilight

I'm not afraid of the monsters in the closet.
Those fears have run off with my mind.
I won't scatter over the spiders in my bed.
I won't crawl toward the light,
and I won't seek the shadows.
And without any doubt to swallow, I won't unmask myself.
I'm not a fool.
My heart will stay enclosed in its cage,
so my tired eyes can rest
with loneliness as my guest,

because misery intends for company tonight.
One night.

Until dawn,

when I wake to repeat again. 

Relating Ships

I love with anyone,
anyone that sways me in.
Not ever on purpose...
but the deepest kind of love.
My heart won't skip.
My stomach stops its roar.
But my mind will flutter,
and my head will ache.
I won't force an emotion.
They'll understand.
They know that I love them.
Nothing else but pure acceptance.

So here I am, falling in love,
but love holds me back.
Does that mean I'm in love?
Does that mean forever?

Will you just be my friend?

Degenerate

I'd love to close my eyes,
and not have a dream.
Drop out big,
and unravel the seam.
Roll the dice,
and indulge in my vice.

Dried-up veins lead to scares.
You've wasted my heart, dear
so I've withered away.

Habits to Victimize

Every day here, I check upon the same idea,
hoping to see a change in my attitude.
It's a constant search in a box that has remained untouched—
     quite the obsession for a powdered lunch.

Complacency, my dear
she swallows
heartache,
headaches,
love,
and the lost.
But at what cost?

A small surge to derail a flood of emotions.
A thrill to smudge reality as I continue to swindle my sanity.
Flouncing and contorting my broken wings
to escape unspoken words.

You're a lover, baby.
You're blinded by your tunnels.
You'll struggle to acquire your truth.
While you spend time pondering your pain,
and how it should be
you'll fail to see how it unfolds.