Friday, December 22, 2017


In some roundabout way,
what I'm trying to say...
This has always been my intention,
to know love can transcend any condition.
     Could I be any more clear?

We'll stand the test of time, my dear.
We've wasted too much time in fear.

Now more than ever,
I see the mission to complete.
To conquer life's indisputable feat.
To come full circle,
love myself, life eternal.
As two become one,
the world receives our transmission:
"Even if we know what we've won,
the fight must go on."

Monday, December 4, 2017

Letters to Fantasize

It's not uncommon for the drafts to float around in my head,
and if only I could find the one that tells me:
"It's okay to go there for a while, but come back to it quick,
because the sun is setting sooner than we thought."

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Believing Lies

These eyes
search for all the faces in the paint.
Dancing with faint figures, loosely twisting in the breeze
my eyes, betray me.
Then my eyes
struggle to erase dark images.
Leering with intention, towering over my eyes
are lies to remind me;
don't always believe your eyes.

Friday, May 19, 2017


Why don't you stay
why don't you stay
why don't you stay
What did I say
what did I say
     take two steps back.
Because I know someday
you won't defend my attack,
throw my life of its track,
then say goodbye to your
Type of maniac.

Thursday, May 11, 2017


How did I become so brave?
Can I build any more resilience?
     Who am I kidding?
Behind every crook is a coward.
Such a fool to think I'm any different. 
Such a fool to think I'm any less.
Such a fool to think I can't change. 

Wake up, brain! 
Sustain, refrain, secure, and endure.
Reject, affect, and remember what you're living for
I hate to have to beg, but I want more.
Because remember, I swore
Please believe me, we'll soar.
This is not a battle to ignore. 

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Lo Siento Mija

Remember when my apologies weren't good enough?
Well, now I'm just learning to pick up the pieces.
So now's not the time for sorry.
You're too late in accepting my pain.

Let that be a message to the rest of you.
I know you feel like she left you too;
for a man that made our lives taboo.
Nearly impossible to get through.
So I deserve respect, where respect is due.
I'll be the one to listen to you.
As long as you promise you'll tune in too—
in to all the time I spend being blue.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

A Reason to Cry

My eyes soak up the rising sun between the trees.
My ears tune into the Steller Jay's sweet song.
But my body, my body stays frozen,
tense and despondent.
My tears evaporate from the heat of my blood.
And my mind, my mind fights erosion,
fierce and transcendent.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Counting Losses

This illness has created a lot of situations to learn from.
I will figure it out. Meanwhile, it maintains to be a bumpy road.
It seems as though, I will always have to do something extra to preserve normalcy.
However, order never fully imprints,
because in the shadows of my brain
are dried up pieces formed into caves
due to chemical deficiencies.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Me too

Before I could blink, she was back in my life again.
This time she said, "I love you."
I don't think I'll hold myself back this time.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017


Today, I will not dwell.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

To Whom it May Concern:

If only my heart could break from the hell you'll create to feel a life you'll never have.

Could you cut the last string?
I have a weak constitution. 

Not Too Normal

Right now, I'm trying to grasp how much power a few pills can have. Pills kill people, or at least they can make us feel like we want to die.
Pills are the ex-lover I fight not to call or write anymore so that I can be happy again. And they're right, I need them more than they need me, and sometimes that thought soothes my mind. I question if an average life is worth trying new pills and getting over my old lover.

So maybe the quantitative argument is that science can't be right this time. The fact is, maybe there can be no fact about someone's mind. Scientists can keep trying to understand neurotransmitters, but something as complex as the human brain, even more so the universe just might not need to be explained, but felt. The answer is simple, through faith, we will seek understanding, not science.

Now how do I tell this to my doctor as my reason for not wanting to pills again? How do I weigh the options of which one will kill me slower so I can stay a minute longer in the end?

Monday, February 27, 2017

Knowledge is Power

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, 
in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6.'

Is this true knowledge? 
A greater understanding than myself?
Who do we think we are,
going against the grain?
Why do we praise demons?
If everybody's placing bets,
whispering, "who do you think will win?"
they must know our weakness
because those whispers always lead to sin.
Let's all get wasted;
we'll release the beast within.
Just don't lose faith, girl; he'll calm the rage again.
You must now trust him
and have a greater understanding than yourself.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Full Circle

Scars won't let me forget,
and maybe that was your plan.
Time has not healed your failure to break the cycle.
You're keeping up with the Jones',
because you couldn't beat 'em, so why not join 'em?