Bleeding Without a Scratch

Here on earth, I exist

in my head 

somewhere between

my heart

it's there I resist

devils and deals, which keep my heart small

through trials and troubles 

of self-sabotage 

grow my spirit with strength 

and devotion to be free

and I will tend the fire

burning inside me

and I will fill the cup

that waters my soul

For I am a believer

in the roses my grandmother grew 
to see color in life 
from the days in her basement
sewing the pieces of her heart
blown to threads

by hand-me-down assaults 

from the men her children call father

And I am a sinner 

but I am the judge who transmutes my sins

I am building heaven on earth 

where the faggot in me

will be safe and run free

          from judgment

          towards peace

          a better place

          than my mother says 

          I deserve

And I am estranged 

          from your Christ, the Redeemer

          I am an orphan

          to a woman who buried

          her soul

          before her body

          taking all my love

          and coercing it into control

          so she can see me as my father,

          our abuser

          and walk away without a scratch